News at a Glance

By Sarah Masker
Elm Staff Writer

1.) Apparently high school administrations are catching on to the whole using-the-bathroom-to-escape-from-class technique. A new policy at Evergreen Park High School allows students to leave class three times per semester to go to the restroom. Any additional restroom visits require that the students make up the missed class time after school. Principal Bill Sanderson says the policy is designed to ensure that students do not miss valuable class time, as many students use restroom visits as an excuse to miss class. Students argue that the five minutes between their classes are not sufficient time to stop at the restroom. Parents should start arguing for their children’s rights any day now.

2.) Scientists are supposed to be smart, right? Then why did two of them copy from Wikipedia…twice? A 2006 Congressional investigation revealed that George Mason University statistics professors Edward Wegman and Yasmin Said were guilty of plagiarizing a report in climate science. Earlier this year, climate researcher Raymond Bradley with the University of Massachusetts claimed that the pair stole his work, which caused more allegations to be thrown their way. At least five separate papers published by Wegman and Said appear to be partially plagiarized. Model professors? Not really.

3.) The circle of life is at work once again, and not just in the movie theaters. The historic drought in Texas has depleted the insect population, which forces millions of bats to emerge before nightfall for food. James Eggers, education director at the Bat Conservation International, says it’s better for the bats to emerge from their caves later, “because they can avoid all different kinds of predators.” This year, fewer bats are emerging from the caves and more infants are showing up dead, which suggests a population decline.

4.) Sesame Street is for kids and porn is not. It’s that simple. Unfortunately, the hackers that took over Sesame Street’s YouTube channel and posted more than 20 minutes of porn do not appear to understand this. YouTube suspended the channel after 22 minutes for “repeated or severe violations of our Community Guidelines.” For the first and last time, Sesame Street’s letter of the day was xxx.

5.) Want to legalize marijuana? 50 percent of Americans do. A new Gallup poll shows an increase of 4 percentage points since last year. Most of the support comes from liberals and individuals within the 18-29 age range. The most opposed are those 65 and older. When Gallup first asked about legalizing marijuana, in 1969, only 12 percent of Americans were in favor. Now all America has to do is convince the government.

6.) At least he can say he gave his stepdaughter some armor before the swordfight. A 16-year-old girl’s mother and stepfather forced her to dress in armor and then proceed to fight her stepfather with a wooden sword for two hours. Investigators say she collapsed from exhaustion. The parents, a part of a group of Renaissance enthusiasts, told officers that they have the right to discipline their child however they see fit. So…what transgression deserves a swordfight?

7.) The Cyclops was super scary and people are still terrified of sharks. So, through
simple mathematics, the new Cyclops shark should be the scariest thing of all time. A mutant fetal shark was cut from the belly of a dusky shark caught in the Gulf of California; the fetus has a single eye made of functional optical tissue, but scientists say that the malformed shark probably would not have survived outside the womb. Shark expert Felipe Galvan said, “This is extremely rare. As far as I know, less than 50 examples of an abnormality like this have been recorded.”

8.) Everyone knows smartphones are beginning to eclipse certain humans in intelligence levels, but the phone that foiled a criminal in Georgia is probably the police department’s new favorite. When the man broke into a car and stole the phone, he took a picture of himself to celebrate. Police Maj. Jason Bolton says, however, that the phone was set to automatically post images to the owner’s Facebook page. Police are now searching for the man, armed with the picture he unwittingly provided them.

9.) Apparently Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” didn’t have much of an effect on Pierre Johansson. The 39-year-old Swedish collector was recently sent to jail for trapping more than 13,000 wild birds, including protected species, and keeping hundreds captive. Prosecutor Christer Jarlas said, “He said himself during questioning that he has a great interest in birds, which managed to get out of hand.” Obviously.

10.) Sugar gets a lot more than vinegar, especially if you’re looking for revenge. A man called police to his Chicago home after an altercation with his wife, in which she threw cupcakes at him. When officers arrived at the home, they found the man covered in frosting and crumbs. He told the police that he feared for his life. A judge ordered electric monitoring for the woman and she was also charged with a misdemeanor count of domestic battery. Cleaning up the kitchen probably would have been enough punishment.

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