What the What!?: Look! It’s Frosty the Conman!

By Amanda Whitaker

Lifestyle Editor

Frosty the Snowman was a jolly, happy soul. With a corn-cob pipe and a removable head and a penchant for abusing officers of the law during Christmas parades. Sing along!

So, it’s no longer news that Frosty the Snowman was arrested right in the middle of the Chestertown Christmas Parade on Nov. 26. Apparently everybody knows about it: a man dressed up like Frosty went down to the village with a broomstick in his hand, running here and there all around the square, saying catch me if you can. Oh yeah, he also took off the head portion of his costume and hit an officer in the face with it. Thumpety thump thump. Thumpety thump thump. Look at Frosty go!

Newspapers across the country covered the story, convincing credulous Americans everywhere that Chestertown is a place of amusing, albeit crazed, excitement. Many, many questions still remain, the most elusive being why was Frosty feeling so particularly un-jolly during such a festive occasion?

Perhaps he was suffering from Black Friday woes? After all, the parade was the very next day. And we’ve all seen the videos of people stampeding through a Wal-Mart for a $5 waffle-maker. Emotions get involved, and things naturally get ugly. I personally stopped going Black Friday shopping two years ago after a few heartbreaking bargain-deal losses. So I, for one, can certainly empathize. Maybe Frosty lost out on that buy-one-get-one top-hat bargain-sale, and is symbolically taking his frustrations out by removing his head. That makes sense, right?

Or maybe Frosty’s frustrations about prejudices toward snowpeople finally broke him. The world is a cruel place. Just because one has three snowballs for a body doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t have a heart. Maybe Frosty just has a lot of feelings. After all, the children say he could laugh and play just the same as you and me.

Or maybe he doesn’t. Just because one has a button nose doesn’t mean he or she has to be cute. Or even pleasant, for that matter. In that case, Frosty’s actions are not only understandable, but quite justifiable. He’s under a lot of pressure. Frosty has been a jolly, happy soul for over 50 years. Everybody has their bad days, especially after half a century of good ones.

Apparently, Frosty is allowed to return to next year’s parade. Not sure how he reacted to this news, but I would guess that he waved goodbye, saying “Don’t you cry. I’ll be back again someday.”

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