Where’s Owen Bailey?

By The Elm - Mar 29,2014@11:42 am

Owen Bailey has been missing from campus since Monday, March 17, having run off to live out his dream of becoming the next Waldo. Try finding him above.Photo Courtesy of https://rememberingletters.wordpress.com

Owen Bailey has been missing from campus since Monday, March 17, having run off to live out his dream of becoming the next Waldo. Try finding him above.
Photo Courtesy of https://rememberingletters.wordpress.com

By Waldo
The Hider

I’m a beloved character. Go to any dentist’s or doctor’s office and there’s a chance my book, “Where’s Waldo,” is there. It’s most likely under the stacks of “O Magazine” and “Us Weekly,” but nonetheless present. I was a hit in the 90s. Children and parents alike were clamoring to find my books, just so they could get the chance to spot me in my signature red-and-white-striped sweater and cap combo. But sadly, it seems I have been replaced. I guess the wholesomeness of the 90s has been pushed aside to welcome a Waldo for the new millennum. But is it me, or does “Where’s Owen Bailey?” not have the same ring to it as my original title?

Owen Bailey, the administrative assistant of the Rose O’Neill Literary House and big fan of mine, has been missing. On the morning of March 17, Washington College staff members were very concerned when Bailey was not returning their calls. Yet some deduce that this isn’t by chance. Bailey is known for donning my signature look: a red-and-white-striped sweater with matching cap, and glasses; and then running off to exotic locales, just begging to be found.

“I remember trying to find [Bailey] in a crowd once. It was tough but I eventually spotted him right behind a red-and-white-striped umbrella. I couldn’t believe I didn’t find him sooner. He’s really tricky,” said sophomore Red Herring.

After a few days of no returned emails, students, staff, and faculty have taken a liking to try and find Bailey. Searching far and wide—everywhere from the beaches of Brazil to the streets of Moscow—everyone is trying to be the first to catch glimpses of red and white out of the corners of their eyes.

Photo Courtesy of http://www.reddit.com

Photo Courtesy of http://www.reddit.com

World Traveler and Computer Keyboarder Extraordinaire, Carmen Sandiego, said, “I am deeply saddened to find out that I too have been replaced. Traveling the world and teaching students how to type was my thing. Now, all I have is my teaching career, and who wants to do that for the rest of their lives? Someone better find him quick before I lose my mind having to teach snot-nosed brats how to type.”

As you can see, many are taking Bailey’s actions personally.

And while there are many who want to join in the fun, there are also those who disagree with Bailey’s actions. “This is juvenile,” said Dr. Killjoy, a longtime staff member here at WC. “Why are people wasting their time trying to look for a madman dressed like a candy cane? It just doesn’t make sense to me.”

Objectors to Dr. Killjoy’s attitude simply think that trying to find Bailey brings them back to their childhood when trying to find me, the one and only Waldo, was the only thing that concerned them. So what if I was chilling on the beach in my sweater. Who cares if I was at the Battle of Troy having a great time? Your eyesight may be permanently damaged from trying to find me for years as a child but at least you had fun doing it, right? Right! That’s why this man should not be receiving the recognition of the “new Waldo.” There will never be another as long as my books are published. This man is an imposter!

Unfortunately, Bailey was unable to comment because he is still missing. Details to come.

The Elm

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