A Goose and A Gander: Let’s talk about sex… and relationships, and dating, and everything in between!

By Nick Anstett and Kaitlyn Fowler
Elm Staff Writers

This week, we are discussing the struggle of how girls want to be asked out versus the way guys actually ask girls out.


Nick says…So things are going your way. You have a girl that you’re really into and you decide it’s time to ask them out. Not necessarily anything official, maybe a stop to Java George, or lunch at Sam’s, or hey going back to your place to catch up on “Game of Thrones”. Or maybe you’re blunt and you just want to get things moving to the bedroom. Asking people out is probably one of the most nerve racking parts of dating. Right up there with finding their secret David Bowie shrine hidden inside their closet behind what you thought was a wall, but I digress. In my experience, when asking a girl or guy out it’s simply best to be direct but polite. Make it clear that you want to spend time with the person in question one on one. You don’t need to profess long held feelings, but make it clear that what you’re asking them to is a date.  It also helps to have a specific idea in mind when asking your  “intended”. Asking a girl to a movie, dinner, or a one-on-one hang out is going to go a lot better than simply stumbling your way through something less defined. Also, please, just avoid pickup lines. Most pickup lines are essentially the R rated equivalent of those jokes you find on Popsicle sticks. Stupid puns that maybe elicit a chuckle, but nothing more. I know most guys are smart enough not to use these in a serious setting, but I feel like I need to make it clear. Pickup lines may at best get a chuckle or an appreciative eye roll, but for 95% of the population however, it’s going to kill any serious chances you had. Most importantly, just remember that the person you’re asking is well…a person. Chances are if you keep it fun, civil, and direct, your “intended” is at the very least going to be flattered. If a rejection happens then worst comes to worst, there may be some awkwardness on both ends and some disappointment on yours, but you’ve avoided making yourself look like a jerk.


Kaitlyn says… I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m not really that much of a girly-girl. I avoid gossip like the plague, I never wanted to be a princess when I grew up, and frankly, and I’ve never cried while watching “The Notebook.” Not saying that all girls who do these things are overly-girly, but suffice it to say I’m not the biggest romantic gushy girl in the world. However, I, like so many girls, still believe the pre-conceived notion that boys should ask girls out. Sorry fellas, but that’s just kind of how it always seems to have been done. I guess we could blame the cavemen for that one. Most girls do want you to put in the effort and ask them out. They want you to show up on the lawn outside their dorm with a boom-box or a dozen roses. Frankly, if a boy did that for me, I wouldn’t complain. I think there’s a reason most girls want you boys to ask us out, more than the fairy-tale endings we saw in our movies and read in all the books. Most girls, myself included, feel that it’s less embarrassing for a guy if he asks a girl out and gets rejected than if the girl asks the guy out and gets rejected. Maybe it’s because boys seem to deal with heartbreak quicker, or at least more subtly. But from a girl’s perspective, boys should step up, “be a man,” and just ask her out. Chances are, she’s at least going to give you a chance, and from there, who knows where it could go? That being said-ladies, times have changed. We can vote, we can fight for our country, and we are certainly now allowed, and even expected, to do more than cook and clean all day. So if times and customs have changed that much, why haven’t they changed when it comes to being asked out? Yes, every girl wants to feel wanted, and being asked out does achieve that goal, but trust me, as a girl who has eventually gotten up the courage and asked boys out herself, when you find out they reciprocate those feelings, you end up feeling just as wanted. We all want to be big independent females, so stop waiting around. If your man won’t take some action and ask you out, turn around and ask him out. Folks, I know we all think that we give these obvious “I like you” signs to the object of our affection, like if we beam out these rays of energy into the universe they will get the hint and ask us out. These signs sometimes they tend to be a little bit too subtle. The only way to make it clear that you like someone is to walk right up to them, whether you are a boy or a girl, and say “Hey. I like you. Want to go out sometime?” Yes, maybe they will reject you and you will feel miserable and alone, but at least you won’t be sitting around waiting for them to make a move and wondering what if. Don’t regret the things you’ve done in life, no matter how stupid they may seem. Regret the things you haven’t done, and if there’s a chance to fix that, even if that means making a fool of yourself and asking someone out, than go do it.

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