By Nick Anstett and Kayla Kyle
Elm Staff Writer and Social Media Editor
This week Nick and Kayla are discussing the ever so confusing topic of when hookups become relationships. Find out what the advantages and disadvantages are of this constantly changing culture. It can be a sticky situation, so are you prepared for it? Be sure to check back next semester for more juicy topics covered in A Goose and A Gander.
Nick says… Hook Up culture has come to define not only college dating but pretty much all dating in this generation. There’s a definite list of pros and cons to supposedly “no-strings- attached” sex between you and another consenting individual. Whether you’ve been out partying, hit it off at a bar, or were introduced through mutual friends, hook ups are something that most people in today’s dating pool are going to encounter.
The difficulty becomes what happens afterwards. There is, after all, a reason that both you and this other person agreed to spend the night together in the first place. There is an attraction there and there may be one that extends beyond the physical. For this reason, it’s not really all that surprising that a lot of hook ups often attempt to make the stumbling steps into a relationship. While this isn’t to say that relationships that are born out of one night stands are doomed to fail, they often come with their own variety of emotional baggage.
The issue is that many times relationships are birthed out of hook ups due to pressure or possibly even desperation. Most one night stands are moments born out of passion, quick interaction, or a need for instant gratification. In and of themselves, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this as long as both parties are consenting. However, what enticed you at a party may not seem as appealing as the weeks go on. Because the relationship began as most likely a form of mutual physical release chances are that there is not a genuine emotional bond that has formed. Trying to force one out of a one night stand is likely going to leave you frustrated and even emotionally hurt.
Prevent it from happening in the first place. Make sure to have clear communication with your hook up before and after the encounter about what you are looking to get out of this. If there is no leading on, then there’s minimal chance of confusion. Also, stand your ground on this decision. There’s likely a reason why you don’t want a relationship to evolve out of a one night stand, and keep this in mind in the coming weeks.
Kayla says… Relationships are like onions. They are made up of layer upon layer of physical and emotional attachments and vulnerabilities. They start out as seeds of attraction that eventually grow roots of emotions. These roots gradually spread out to create a sense of balance and stability as the relationship grows through trust and time. Finally, the young onion begins to sprout as the relationship develops further through physical awakenings. The relationship onion continues to grow and mature as each new layer of shared emotional and physical experiences are made, creating (hopefully) a ripe and healthy onion. A relationship onion is made first through emotional roots and then nurtured by physical pruning.
However, what were to happen if the growth of this relationship onion was reversed? What if the onion had physical versus emotional roots? For example, you meet this random guy/girl at a party, and he/she just starts making out with you. Then, before you know it, this little onion seed is planted beneath your Target brand sheets and you wake up next to…(What was his/her name?). This random person proceeds with his/her walk of shame, but not before he/she leaves a number. “Let’s do this again sometime ;).” Before you know it, you have your first booty call. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your onion seed has been planted with no emotions and it is spreading roots of physical foreplay, and man is that booty call life well nourished.
Yet, one of you starts to get butterflies. Emotions start to develop and while your onion’s roots are well watered, you begin to feel that there is a lack of nurturing going on. You want this onion seed to grow into a ripe luscious onion. Therefore, you approach your booty call partner and this situation can go one of two ways.
Response 1: You tell your booty call partner that you would like to nurture emotions into this little onion plant of a relationship and become more than just a 2 a.m. root fondling session. He/she looks at you with doe eyes and says that he/she is sorry because he/she is not ready for/does not want an emotional relationship. This relationship onion has just had its roots ripped out. Not the best gardening experience.
Response 2: You confess your developing emotions to your booty call and express your desire to nurture this baby onion into a layered beauty. He/she looks at you (with slightly larger doe eyes than in response 1) and confesses that he/she feels the same way. Your relationship onion has a chance
Now, let’s say you and your booty call decide on response two. You have an onion seed that has been planted with physical intentions and roots expanding in an erotic horizon, but in order for your onion to thrive, it needs to be watered with emotions. Your onion needs to develop layer upon layer of shared emotions, trust, and communication. Yes, this onion plant may be very different from any other onion plant and may need more nurturing, but that’s what makes your relationship onion unique.
Therefore, booty calls, friends with benefits, and other physical relationships do have chances of becoming emotional relationships. They may just need more work and care.