By Nick Anstett and Kayla Kyle
Elm Staff Writer and Social Media Editor
This week, Nick and Kayla discuss the effects of sex toys on a sexual relationship. What is your view on the use of sex toys? In our next issue, we will discuss dialogue during sex.
Nick says… I find it funny that one of the most controversial scenes in Patrick Derrickson’s senior thesis play “Bacchae 2.1” (which featured on stage monologues about sex and simulated sex) involved a woman producing a large, purple, double-ended dildo from under her skirt. Why is it that in a society that has become so comfortable with sex and sexual expression that sex toys are still a taboo? This is surprising because there are sex toys for pretty much every orientation, sex, gender, and fantasy. You can actually purchase dildos modeled after dragon genitalia online. Yes, you read that correctly.
It’s strange then that so few people actually have experience with sex toys. I chalk much of this up to societal taboos and ridiculously high prices. (A quick google search finds that most six inch dildos will pump you out of a good fifty dollars.) In my experience, heterosexual men typically have less experience with sex toys then other sexes and orientations. That is not to say that sex toys aimed at straight men don’t exist. Although, I argue that sex toys themselves aren’t necessarily aimed towards any sex or orientation. The entire purpose of a toy is to experiment and enact pleasure that can’t be achieved through “normal” relations.
That being said, there are some things to keep in mind when using sex toys. Here are some “dildos” and “dildon’ts”
Dildo: Keep an open dialogue with yourself and your partner about where and when toys are appropriate.
Dildon’t: Don’t be afraid to try toys in ways that are new to you and your partner.
Dildo: Keep your toys clean and sanitary. Using toys repeatedly without proper maintenance can cause some pretty ugly health risks.
Dildon’t: Don’t ignore warnings and guidelines for usage. While most toys by nature are very versatile, using them incorrectly can lead to injury. At the very least, keep this in mind to avoid awkward conversations with EMTs.
Dildo: Have fun. It’s the whole purpose of the toy.
Dildon’t: Don’t feel pressured or pressure your partner to use toys if they aren’t comfortable.
In short, just have a good time, guys. Experiment. Live a little.
Kayla says… Relationships are like plants. They have to be nurtured, pruned, groomed, and sometimes replanted. Sexual relationships are no different. In order for the sexual relationship to bloom, the roots have to have room to spread and new soil to explore.
In the beginning, budding sexual relationships are exciting, new, and passionately fueled. You enjoy learning each other’s likes and dislikes, each other’s fantasies, and, on a primal level, each other’s bodies top to bottom. However, after you’ve played out various fantasies, positions, and “Cosmo’s” latest claim to pleasure, there may come a time when the metaphorical sex plant needs to be replanted in order for it to explore new ground and blossom again. Let’s be honest, sex can become repetitive, boring, and almost like a chore. In other words, the honeymoon phase and the erotic charge have ultimately come and gone.
When or if this happens, don’t give in or settle for less. You deserve to have a little (or a lot) of pleasure in your life (I mean sex does relieve stress). Therefore, it is beneficial for you and your partner to seek out new and exciting sexual experiences, whether it is seeking new locations of pleasure outside the bedroom, finding new techniques, or discovering new fantasies. Of course, there is always the option of delving into the world of sex toys, which, in my humble opinion, is one of the best ways to enhance your sexual relationship with your significant other. Yes, the world of vibrators, c-rings, fuzzy handcuffs, and blindfolds may be one of taboo in our society, but who cares if they rejuvenate your wilting sex life. Sex toys were created for this exact reason, so don’t be afraid to use them. There is no shame in wanting to recreate the pleasure that you once had. Sexual relationships are supposed to be fun, exciting, and explorative. Sex toys not only create such relationships but they can also bring back the ghost of honeymoon’s past.
When you bring sex toys into the bedroom, it is almost like you are recreating the beginning of your sexual relationship. You have to relearn what your partner likes and dislikes, like, for example, does he/she like being blindfolded? Do you both enjoy the effects of using a vibrator? By introducing sex toys into your sexual relationship, you are not only bringing back the sexual pleasure, but you are also developing your relationship. You are learning new things about your partner, and, in turn, you are growing closer to him/her in your relationship.
Therefore, instead of laying back and accepting your fate of having an average sexual relationship, take charge, replant your metaphorical sex plant, spread your roots, and add a little spice to your life by exploring the world of sex toys. Let them guide you into a world of pure pleasure. Let them help you reconnect with your partner. Let them give you your honeymoon phase back. Just give them a try sometime. You may be surprised by the results.