By Holding Callonthefield

Sport Spy

 

It’s spring in Chestertown, and that means it’s open house season at Washington College. Prospective students from around the region and around the country flood campus in hopes of finding their home for the next chapter of their lives. However, these weekends are not without their fair share of controversy.

After the many presentations given by students and faculty during the morning, the prospective students and their families take advantage of the free meals provided by the college. Naturally, the long tables found on the sides of the dining hall by the televisions are prime real estate for visitors looking to mingle. What they don’t realize, however, is the toll that their seating choices take on a large population of the WC student body.

“I was sitting enjoying my pizza and fries,” recalls high school senior Gavin Harrison from Cherry Hill, N.J. “When this group of guys with Washington College Baseball on their sweatshirts walked up to the table and looked like they had just seen an awful train accident. Then they just looked lost, like they were about to cry.”

Every open house brings the same tragedy affecting the eating habits of athletes across campus. The steady removal from their usual seats leaves them wandering around the dining hall like it’s their first meal on campus their freshman year.

“We don’t know what to do,” said baseball player Rick Lowe. “Half the time we just accept it and find another table, but it just doesn’t feel right. We miss our ESPN.”

Nina Wood, a sociology and biology double major, took notice of this phenomenon and decided to base her thesis on the athletes’ behavior. “Similar to the wolf or the lemur, athletes show signs of territorial behavior,” says Wood. “After a little research, I found that their territory is classified as Type C: a nesting territory which includes the nest plus a small area around it. These territories are most commonly found through some species of waterfowl, like geese. Gus the Goose would be proud.”

En lieu of the recent attention to the seating fiasco, a number of student-athletes have rallied to start the #spotsforjocks social media campaign. Athletes have spread the awareness through Facebook and Twitter in hopes of finding other victims in similar situations. It’s been rumored that Haverford College athletics are interested in joining the campaign as well as the University of Maryland.

“We hope this hashtag brings awareness to all of us affected,” said soccer player and campaign founder Mark White. “We work under strict routines day in and day out. Why should our off-season traditions be any different?”

The movement was steadily gaining momentum for a number of weeks, but stalled as everyone invested all interest in March Madness.

 

Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

The Elm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

In case you have missed it

In case you have missed it