Bring Back Cal Coursey

By Zee Mail

Broke Student

Since the resignation of Cal Coursey at the end of the fall semester, a large number of students have reported falling victim to at least one scam email. In a recent campus survey, 94 percent of students reported submitting credit card information, social security information, and other personal identification in response to an email scam sent to their Zimbra account.

Sophomore Payton O’Money was one student who sent in her credit card information in response to an email from the Prince of Nigeria who requested money to support his new reign. “It was just so sad,” O’Money said. “He said his father had just died and his siblings were going to steal all his inheritance. I mean, he’s a prince. How do you not give to a prince? He said he only needed $20, but the next day my checking account was empty.”

This email seems to be the one most students believed. This email was sent Monday, March 30. If you have not yet responded with your personal information, don’t.

“Every time there was a scam last year, someone would warn us,” said senior S. Cam. “I’m not really sure how the College thinks we would know how to sort scam from non-scam on our own. If Canvas notifications go to the junk folder, you’d think scam stuff would, too.”

The Prince of Nigeria could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy rolling around in a pile of dollar bills in his mom’s basement in Wisconsin. The prince has been Tweeting with the hashtag #thanksCal each time he receives a deposit from a Washington College student. At the time of publication, he has tweeted this phrase 734 times.

Associate Professor of Economics Dr. Uso Fooled said, “This isn’t the first time I’ve seen students fall for these scam emails, but this is just out of hand. One of my students is actually withdrawing from school because she no longer can afford the tuition after sending her credit card information to a guy who claimed she won a scholarship and that he needed to deposit the money in her account.”

Students victimized by these scams have made posters saying, “Bring back Cal” and have begun a protest outside of OIT’s office because no one ever knew the true location of Coursey’s old office.

Currently, the administration is trying to contact Coursey in hopes of bringing him to campus to lead an information session regarding how to watch out for scam emails. Though without his constant reminders, it seems only a matter of time until students fall for another scam.


Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

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