Nobody Puts SGA in a Corner

By The Elm - Apr 03,2015@2:01 pm

By Margarita Millie

Senioritis Connoisseur

 The most recent SGA meeting took a rather unusual turn. With the recent election of the new officers, the existing leadership has taken a somewhat indifferent attitude towards running the College’s student government, which is what made it incredibly easy for the following things to happen.

 

Academics Committee

This SGA decided it was time to change GPA calculation at Washington College. That’s right folks. Your grade point average will now be determined by how many Krispy Kreme donuts you can eat in under 10 minutes. Good for those who like to overachieve in the culinary arts, not so good for anyone trying to lose a few pounds.

 

Organizations Committee

After much heated debate, the committee decided to allow the following special interest groups to be recognized as clubs:

– A new acapella group called Flockapella, which has started a turf war with the existing group WACapella. The two groups have been engaged in a riff-off for two days in Hotchkiss recital hall. The vocal battle shows no signs of stopping.

– A group dedicated to selfie sticks and the perfect skinny arm pose, mostly composed of girls who are too srat to care.

– Gryllswold’s fan club, lovers of all things grizzly.

 

Non-Senatorial Open Forum

Will Smith made an appearance at the meeting to recommend changing the College’s alma mater to the theme song from “Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” The motion received overwhelming support, and someone asked Smith if he wanted to replace that cranky grizzly bear that had taken over as president. Smith declined, but offered to appear in WACapella’s next music video. Filming is set to begin once they’ve defeated their acapella foes.

A search party was formed in an attempt to find former Interim President Jay Griswold. After that, the meeting was interrupted by a food fight. The speaker of the Senate sent everyone home covered in ramen and leftover vegan nuggets from the dining hall.

 

Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

The Elm

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