1. (NCAA) Kentucky was dismissed from the annual March Madness tournament for academic fraud and illegal benefits from the institution. 


2. (NFL) Adrian Peterson has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. 


3. (NBA) The New York Knicks lost again. 


4. (MLB) New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez set to release autobiography this week titled, “Truth and Honesty: My Approach to Life and Baseball.”


5. (Soccer) Washington College men’s soccer head coach Roy Dunshee set to take over for Louis Van Gaal as Manchester United’s newest head coach. 


6.) (NCAAW) The Conneticut Huskies won their Sweet 16 game by 51 points (this actually isn’t a joke.) 


7.) (NASCAR) Update: The cars are still driving in a circle hundreds of times. 


8.) (NBA) ESPN only mentioned Lebron James a record-low 20 times this past weekend. 


9.) (MMA) Ronda Rousey is really, really strong. 


Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

The Elm

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