By Shawn Curry

Steph Curry’s Brother 

 

Washington College has recently announced their highly anticipated plans for a new athlete-specific dorm to start housing students by the fall of 2015. The new dorm, which will be located between Chester and Sassafras, will begin construction the week after finals week and will be completed by the time athletes come back for preseason in the summer.

“We hope that this dorm will help our athletes form better bonds and chemistry with their teammates off the field,” said Co-Athletic Director Matthew Thompson. “We can only hope to see better performances from our sports teams due to their 24/7 contact with each other each and every day.”

The dorm is scheduled to revolve around the sports teams, which leaves little time for academic activities. Academic counselor and men’s soccer coach Kyle Kinkaid is confident with the direction the dorm is headed.

“Grades are important, but so are sports,” said Kinkaid. “We know that some of our student athletes are going to face some problems with their academic commitments, but it’s a risk we’re willing to take.”

The dorm, which is going to be named the Flock House, is going to be a four-floor suite style dorm, consisting of seven 15-person suites. The floors will be co-ed, with each floor being a sport specific floor.

“Sharing one bathroom with 14 other people will be tough,” said sophomore field hockey player Lindsey Sterling. “But we’re going to have to learn how to live, eat, sleep, and most importantly, share a bathroom as a team.”

Each floor will be fitted with its own bathroom, kitchen, sauna, locker-room, and a new state of the art laundry room with actual working washing machines and dryers. The new dorm will also be equipped with underground tunnels to make for easier travel to classes and practices when there’s inclement weather.

“We care about our athletes and know they need to be in peak conditions throughout the day,” said athletic trainer Winston Reid. “We can’t risk our players getting any of their equipment, or if worse comes to worse, themselves, wet or damaged by any kind of rain or snow.”

However, WC failed to leave money for the bedrooms in the suite, leaving the athletes to live in basement-like conditions. On the bright side, the sauna will be in walking distance from the dimly lit bedrooms with no windows.

Although there were many protests from students and parents associated with WC, the school has decided to go through with the $200 million project. Many clubs and sports teams had to be disbanded by the school to help fund the project, which has left many students feeling upset.

Water polo recruit examines his new dorm.

Water polo recruit examines his new dorm.

“We’re a little disgruntled by the news,” said hiking captain Annie Anniston. “All we wanted to do was hike and now the school has crushed any chance of us winning the Centennial Conference this season.”

“It’s a tough day for us,” said indoor soccer captain Jesse James. “It’ll take us a while to acclimate to the measly intramural soccer league.”

Local Chestertown residents are also not happy with the news as the new dorm is planned to be equipped with nearly 50 showers, limiting the water use for those who live nearby.

“This is an absolute disgrace,” Chestertown resident Sherry Miller said. “My kids can’t shower for weeks at a time because the sailing team has requested to only sail in drinking water.”

Other residents, however, are looking at the lack of a human neccessity in a positive light.

“I was told I wouldn’t have any running water from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m.,” Chestertown resident Donald Smith said. “But if that’s what it takes for lacrosse to win us another conference title, then so be it.”

The school president was not able to be reached for comment on the new dorm as he was too busy dealing with the new construction of the jousting arena.

 

Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

The Elm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

In case you have missed it

In case you have missed it