Potter Among Us

By The Elm - Apr 03,2015@2:00 pm

By Rita Skeeter

Magical Gossip Monger

Hi, it’s Rita Skeeter, reporting live from Washington College. This week I have a juicy secret that I would love to share with all of you. Professor James Lipchock, the renowned chemistry teacher who has taught at WC since 2012, has been the subject of recent rumors concerning his true identity. The question remains: who exactly is Dr. James Lipchock?DrLHarryPotterKatieDoyle (1)

Above: Lipchock reveals the scar that identifies him as the Boy Who Lived Harry Potter. Below: “Lipchock” and a photo from his younger years, the face we all know as Harry Potter.

Above: Lipchock reveals the scar that identifies him as the Boy Who Lived Harry Potter. Below: “Lipchock” and a photo from his younger years, the face we all know as Harry Potter.

Take a look at his glasses, which are circular, ring a bell? No? What about his intelligence? And his hair is just long enough to hide that infamous scar. That’s right, Dr. Lipchock is actually Harry Potter, “the Boy Who Lived.”

For those who do not follow the wizarding world, this is a huge deal. It’s actually quite groundbreaking. Although I cannot reveal my sources, this is what I know. Dr. Lipchock, or Potter, has come to WC to teach students how to become potion masters.

In fact, it is not chemistry that he is teaching, but potions mastery. Surprise! Dr. Lipchock pretends to teach chemistry to evade suspicion, but in reality his students learn how to make all different kinds of potions and are sworn to secrecy. This explains how he has kept this secret hidden so effectively from the rest of the school.

I did get a chance to talk to Dr. Lipchock about potions and, although he did not directly state that he is Potter, it is easy to deduce from his favored potions what his true identity is.

He said, “My favorite potions would be felix felicis (liquid luck), an invigoration draught for an energy boost, although I could probably make some money off of amortentia (love potion) and I could probably use some veritaserum (truth serum).”

It seems like Dr. Lipchock has extensive knowledge about potions and their uses just like Potter. Some people are probably wondering why Horace Slughorn or Severus Snape don’t come here to teach a potions class?.Most likely because WC has decided to cut the budget for education, which means that they had to hire a less experienced teacher. Harry Potter would be the perfect candidate. Furthermore, I spotted Ginny Weasley on campus the other day and why else would she be here except to visit her husband, Potter?

I do not have the answer, but I do know that students love having Dr. Lipchock probably because, as we all know, Potter is a great teacher and role model.

 

Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

The Elm

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