By H. Ash Tag
Licensed Selfie Taker
Scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, or any other social media pages nowadays will give you an array of colorful characters, stemming from those people you never talked to in high school to the alter ego of that person you used to be best friends with but now consider your mortal enemy. No matter who you’re encountering through your general browsing and no matter how deep you get into someone’s past whilst stalking their profile, you’re going to run in to some selfies. A question that should be asked every time you stumble upon one of these beauties is “Is this a good selfie, or a bad selfie?” Have no fear, I am here to help answer this question in the only way I know how, with examples.
Is the person in the picture fresh and styled, ready to start their day with a winning smile? If the answer is yes then this is a bad selfie. An example of a good selfie is one where the person is asleep in bed because they or tired or they simply have not gotten out of bed yet. Remember, the more drool, the better.
Is the person in question on the toilet? If yes, then this is a good selfie. Everyone looks good on the toilet. Why not use the opportunity to show that everyone does indeed poop and look beautiful while they do it?
While we’re at it, if you have just uploaded a selfie of yourself relieving yourself on the toilet, you should definitely upload an after toilet selfie because nothing says happiness like a freshly emptied bladder. Go ahead and show off that winning smile.
Lastly, if you’re going to showcase other people such as friends or family in your selfie, be sure they too know proper selfie etiquette. This means you must take the picture during a period of time when they are not paying attention. If you’re able to take it without them knowing, this makes the photo even better. If after you’ve snapped the picture they ask, “Did you just take a picture of me?” you know you’ve taken an amazing selfie.
Not everyone is going to be good at taking selfies immediately. Getting good at snapping the perfect one is quite challenging, and only comes naturally to those who are gifted in the art of the selfie. I, of course, am referring to myself. So by following these simple guidelines, you too can become well versed in selfie basics and you too can try to be as amazing as me.
Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition. None of the information in this article is true.