By Baby, Baby, Baby Noooo

JBiebz Press Secretary

 

This year the SGA planned to bring the musical group Timeflies to Washington College for a spring performance. At the last minute the duo had to pull out of the show, but they will now be replaced with a headlining performance by Nickelback, along with special guests Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers. Students all over WC are shocked by the change.

Student Events Board members had arranged for Timeflies to appear on campus this April, but the group recently informed the office that they will unfortunately be on tour in Europe for the month and can no longer make a stop on the WC campus. Wanting to avoid a huge disappointment from the student body, SEB quickly found replacements. “We thought that Nickelback and Justin Bieber would be good substitutes,” said junior Ifiwasyour Girlfriend, a member of the SEB. “The Jonas Brothers were just an added bonus. We don’t think anyone will really even notice the difference. The music is essentially the same as Timeflies anyway.”

Justin Bieber rehearses on the Hodson Green to prepare for his WC debut performance. Students and staff alike are buzzing with excitement.

Justin Bieber rehearses on the Hodson Green to prepare for his WC debut performance. Students and staff alike are buzzing with excitement.

Students are very surprised at the lineup change. Many are excited about the sudden news that such popular celebrities will be making an appearance on our small campus. “I can’t believe that Justin is actually going to be here. I have been waiting for this moment for years,” sophomore Serena Gotez said, showing off her Bieber-inspired tattoo.

The SEB office also recently announced that they have a special event planned to kick off the concert and welcome the headlining group to campus. For the whole week before the concert, all speakers in public spaces on campus will be playing Nickelback music. To finish the week there will be a parade down the Cater Walk with life sized paper mâché statues of the members of Nickelback on floats.

SEB officers have been working tirelessly to make sure this event goes off without a hitch. Freshman Eating Fondue said, “It’s been a lot of work. I’ve occasionally had to miss some sleep to get it all done, but it will all be worth it when all the WC students come out and love how awesome this event is going to be. I know everyone will be ecstatic to see some of their favorite musicians honored in this way.”

One student, however, did voice some concern. “Wait, aren’t the Jonas Brothers broken up?” said senior Emily Reasonne. “Won’t bringing them all here together stir up some old drama between them?”

Nearby students quickly relieved her confusion. “The concert here is going to be the start of their comeback tour,” said junior Bustin Jieber. “There is a huge demand for their music. The public has been asking for their return to the music scene for a while now.”

Despite some small setbacks, the SEB and the rest of WC are gearing up for a great show. No thought of Timeflies lingers in anyone’s head as the excitement and preparation for these fantastic replacement acts gets underway. If you have not yet gotten your ticket be sure to visit the event page on WC’s website soon as seats are rapidly filling up. Tickets are discounted for students and will only cost 50 dining dollars.

 

Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

The Elm

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