True Thesis Timeline

By Margarita Millie

Senioritis Connoisseur

5:00 p.m. – Time to sit down for a night of thesis writing in the library.

6:00 p.m. – Wow. Three sentences. I definitely deserve a Facebook break.

7:03 p.m. – Why are so many of my friends from high school married with kids…

7:47 p.m. – Oh god. I’ve been on Facebook for almost two hours. I need to get it together. I should highlight some stuff.

8:05 p.m. – This paper looks like a bag of Skittles threw up on it. I should never be allowed near highlighters again.

8:15 p.m. – I wonder if my roommates are doing anything tonight.

8:16 p.m. – Watches snap stories.

8:17 p.m. – Why are all of my friends having wine night without me? Rude. Whatever, I need to focus.

9:45 p.m. – This is so boring and somebody is playing music too loud on the quiet floor even though they’re using headphones. WE CAN STILL HEAR IT, YOU HOOLIGAN.

10:03 p.m. – Why is it so cold up here? I should have brought my parka.

10:15 p.m. – I wrote a whole page. I should definitely email my thesis advisor we’re going to have so much to talk about in our meeting tomorrow.

11:00 p.m. – None of this makes sense. Why did I pick this topic? Was I drunk when I made this decision? Or did I hit my head really hard?

11:10 p.m. – Texts roommate a bunch of emojis, mostly the crying one.

11:12 p.m. – Roommate responds with incoherent wine babble. Lays head on desk and cries softly into keyboard.

11:20 p.m. – Blows nose and starts writing again.

11:55 p.m. – A whole two pages? I’m a magician. Or a wizard. I make thesis magic happen.

12:15 a.m. – I deserve a coffee break. And a Pinterest break for that matter. I’ve earned it.

12:20 a.m. – Stares at screen. Eye starts twitching

12:30 a.m. – Height of caffeine buzz sets in.

1:45 a.m. – Caffeine buzz wears off. Enter comatose state.

1:58 a.m. – Ok well the library is closing, so I’ll wake up early and try again tomorrow.


10:28 a.m. the next day – Meeting is in two minutes. Too bad I had a full draft due today…


Notice: This article is a part of the annual April Fool’s edition.  None of the information in this article is true.

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