Just A Goose

By Dan Teano

Elm Staff Writer

After an unexpectedly strenuous week, you cozily slump into your covers. Syllabus week was unexpectedly busy with scheduling conflicts and having to read a chapter in a textbook you haven’t purchased yet. However, as soon as you think of dropping that dreaded 8:30 a.m. to lighten up your schedule, it’s finally the weekend.

In a sigh of relief, you log in to your Netflix account and tear open a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Approximately 10 minutes into “How I Met Your Mother,” your roommate walks in with a girl. In an unforeseen turn of events, your roommate asks you to crash somewhere else and thus has uprooted you. You have just been “sexiled.”

As with all issues in life, honest communication could have solved this problem. If only your roommate had texted you, you would have strictly complied with Bro Code and kept your distance. Nevertheless, your roommate failed to give you a fair warning. In fact, this predicament speaks more about you and your roommate’s poor communication skills than it does to his swooning physical appearance. So how does one avoid getting trapped in sexual tension?  sexile final

Firstly, have a judgment free, all-holds-barred conversation with your roommate. Leave everything out on the table. Start by discussing what each of your ideal weekends look like. If you’re the type to frequently cast your fishing line, be clear about this. This way, in the event of a catch, your roommate has already established a reliable place to sleep.

Secondly, if you’re feeling lucky on a certain night, give your roommate a kindhearted warning in advance. Text, or call him. Regardless of how you do it, it is imperative that he is forewarned that your room is not safe to sleep in that night.

Last but not least, be considerate. I understand that another round in the morning doesn’t sound like too much to ask for, but at the end of the day, she is not your roommate. Get up, get dressed, and go on a swanky breakfast date to Hodson.

Sexiling doesn’t have to be a startling, awkward surprise. Through communication and coordination it could even strengthen you and your roommate’s friendship. With all this in mind, even if you are a roommate in sexile, your night can also have a happy ending, because who needs flaming hot lips when you have Flaming Hot Cheetos?

Cartoon by Meaghan Menzel

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