By Dan Teano
Apparently it’s not so nice to be a nice guy after all. We’ve all heard the saying, “nice guys finish last.” But why? Aren’t nice guys the ones that are courteous enough to pull the chair out for their date before they sit down to dine? Aren’t nice guys the rare breed who will put their suit jacket on the ground so the girl doesn’t have to step in a puddle? Still, these gentlemen go unnoticed or unselected for good reason.
For one, nice guys are manipulative. These people are simply too nice to be up front about their emotions, intentions, and end-goals.
Consider a guy and girl who have been casually dating for the past two months and the guy has lost all romantic feelings for the girl. Even though the guy was disinterested after week three, he doesn’t have the guts to admit that he’s hardly intrigued by the girl anymore. As a result, he will end up lying to her whenever she asks to hangout. And while it is no problem that the man attends to his own life, the real issue is that he will compensate for his absence and shower the girl with compliments in fear of hurting her feelings. He will call her the most beautiful girl in the world and whatever sappy line he’s picked up in a romantic comedy just to cover up his faded desire.
Of course, the real nice thing to do is be honest. Instead of running away and hiding your trails with flowers, just tell the girl, “hey, whatever we had was amazing and I mean that sincerely. But I don’t see us working out for much longer.”
Nice guys struggle to be brutally honest because they know speaking the truth will lead them to their biggest fear—being alone. Think about it: people are nice partly so that they can be accepted and validated. In the same way, nice guys pretend to be nice for the sake of female approval. Even though they might not even like the girl, they will string her along just so they don’t have to deal with the misery of being by themselves. And this is why they are not very nice: since they simply want attention, they hardly reciprocate the love and attention they expect from their female partners.
No matter your age, gender, or experience with relationships, you cannot play around with someone’s emotions just so you can feel better about your lonely existence. If you tell someone you like them, say it because you mean it, not because you want to hear them say it back.
Of course, it’s good to be nice—we all should be kind, considerate, and respectful. But while being nice is obviously a good thing, being nice for the wrong reasons isn’t.