train-heberBy Air and Space Museum

Zuul Editor

Ah, Chestertown. A peaceful, historic, and tastefully haunted riverside town.

Shout-out to D.S. Daniels, by the way. And to the justifiably vengeful spirit of Esther Anderson.

You know who else is feeling pretty haunted right about now? The cursed descendants of Esther Anderson’s executioners, certainly, but also plenty of seniors here at Washington College.

I mean, between theses and graduation and crushing student debt and blood sacrifice, the class of 2019 have a lot on their plates right now.

This is the part where I’m supposed to offer some tips to deal with stress, but honestly the best and only advice I have is the same advice that Scar gave Simba after Mufasa got trampled by wildebeests:

“Run away, Simba. Run. Run away and never return…”

Your best bet? Hopping into the open boxcar of a slowly-moving train headed far away from this place.

Well, first you have to be prepared. You’re going to want to get a handkerchief and a medium-sized stick, and you’re going to want to wrap up various perishable foods in that handkerchief, such as an apple and a cartoonishly large piece of cheese.

Oh, and for the final touches: Put a hole in the toe of one of your shoes—only one of them.

For those not above train-themed vagrancy in these troubling times, here are the best options near you:

1. The Northern Line of the Maryland and Delaware Railroad.

Okay, so I ended up having to do significantly more train research than I thought I would. Apparently the Wikipedia article is out of date because the MDDE only goes as far as Worton.

So that’s kind of a bummer, right? Who wants to walk all the way to Worton? Where the heck is Worton?

Anyway, I’m sick of train research. Like, I’m physically sick right now. If anyone even thinks the word “train” in my direction, I’m gonna snap. I really am. Book a shuttle, or something.

2. Chestertown Station. Okay, this one’s going to take a little bit of imagination.

I mean, like, it’s a dead line. At least there’s actually a train. Well, it kind of just sits there. (Probably haunted.)

But you could go in it with your bindle and pretend like it’s moving, right? Oh, wait, you might get in trouble with the train station people.

Okay, so you stand outside it and visualize being on it while visualizing that it’s moving. There’s a lot of visualization at play here, but I think you can do it.

3. You know what’s a good movie about trains? “Snowpiercer.” I mean, it was playing on someone’s laptop and I was too far away to read all the subtitles, but it seemed pretty good.

And Chris Evans was in it. It was kind of messed up, though (like, he was totally about to eat that baby.)

Anyway, maybe instead of running away with your bindle full of expiring goods you can just…chill out, or something. Watch Chris Evans beat people up on trains, instead.

The Elm

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