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The Elm Student Newspaper

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Drugs

• Frickin statue cries blood for Christ's sake
• Administration has unexpected epiphany: "We Suck"
• Junior Bedfellows Exposed
• Editorial switch causes confusion among students
• Substance Free Housing plans incipient move to Andy's
• Faculty Metal Band Rocks Campus Center: Structural And Emotional Damage Caused
• Virus gonna take a bite outta your mitochondria
• Saggy, saggy, saggy, saggy, saggy
• Graham: sex freak
• VP Joe Holt brings rap revolution to campus
• Buntingate scandal at large in the "Buntagon"
• Exclusive interview with Johnny Toll

Sex

• Washington College is the school of champions because I said so
• Letter to the editor: Student expresses disappointment regarding lack of porn ... or ... whatever ... on campus
• Cartoon

Rock

• Hubley outsmarts administration; clones himself
• Your mother can speak at graduation, says Toll
• This is fake
• Spring Break "Faculty Gone Wild" now on DVD

and Roll Headlines

• Sports Notes
• Deathmatch Showdown: English vs. Business
• Corruption, drug ring, and gambling uncovered in WC Athletic and Intramural departments
• College drops men's lacrosse program
• "Champ" missing!

Special Real Section

Please note:
All content in the stories below is real and wholly separate from the April Fool's issue.

• Poor voter turnout for SGA elections; students must take advantage of this opportunity
• Athletes take part in making community better place to live
• Letters to the Editor: Students, alumnus express concern regarding recent firing of professor
• Letter to the editor: SGA offers apology, thanks to president, reassures students
• Letter to the editor: Professor disappointed in lack of college representation at launching of schooner
• Editorial Cartoon

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