Last Thursday, tons of students and members of the Washington College community gathered in the Campus Center to witness the debut performance of the first ever faculty heavy metal band: "Satan Has Tenure."
Professors from various departments had been writing and rehearsing songs for the performance. Band members included Professors DeProspo, Fallaw, Mooney, Briggs, Daigle, Black, Maloney and until recently, Hubley.
Besides covering songs from such Rock legends as AC/DC, Nine Inch Nails, Type O Negative, Black Sabbath, the Ramones, the Sex Pistols, Pantera, and Yanni they also wrote several original works. With songs like "The Nine Circles of Bunting," "My Students, My Dealers," "My Baby Withdrew from Class Today," and the self-titled song "Satan Has Tenure (Why don't I?)." The band proved all those rumors about being former roadies for Judas Priest to be horribly, horribly true.
If you were one of twelve drunken members of the Historical Society that were the only people in attendance, then you could tell the evening would end tragically as soon as you opened the Campus Center door and were hit with smells of gym socks, raw beef, and bourbon.
"Jesus, it smelled like my room," commented Junior AJ Rendo.
Things started off on a bad note; Clayton Black's double guitar had been stolen so he was forced to resort to his Kentucky roots and brought out the spoons and milk jug. The results were mixed. "That was the best rendition of 'Devil Went Down to Georgia' I've ever heard, but then again I'm British," said Sunjit Lalli about the band's cover of 'Head Like a Hole.'
Public Safety got involved three times during the show, once to stop Professor DeProspo from throwing beer bottles at the audience and twice to stop Mooney from completely disrobing.
"But Flea does it all the time," Mooney was overheard shouting by members of the Cove staff as the professor ran from Public Safety officials.
Mooney was eventually tackled by officers in the middle of Kent Circle and returned to the Campus Center, only half-naked, to finish the show.Things started to really get out of hand towards the end of the show.
Originally the band's set was going to end with The Who's "My Generation," but without the awesome power of guitar god Dr. Mark Hubley, the band was unable to play the song. Instead, they played one of the six songs that replacement Dale Daigle actually did know, Metallica's "Fade to Black." Someone forgot to tell Bob Fallaw, so he continued with his plans of homage to the memory of The Who's drummer Keith Moon by blowing up his drum set with dynamite. Needless to say, vodka, dynamite, and Bob Fallaw don't mix. Come to think about it, no one mixes with vodka and dynamite. The result was a blinding explosion and a giant cloud of smoke. The audience's stunned amazement soon turn to applause, and then to sheer horror as they heard the screams of Dale Daigle.The explosion had caught the Drama professor's entire body on fire, and he was rolling around on the pool table trying to put himself out. Instead, the pool table caught fire. Fallaw then tried to put the fire out by pouring a bottle of whiskey on himself.
The Chestertown Fire Department arrived but not until after several minutes to put out the blaze. Daigle was rushed to the hospital and later airlifted off the Washington College green. According to the business office, there were several thousand dollars worth of damage done to the Campus Center so the College will be forced to resort to spending money for once.
On a lighter note, Satan Has Tenure has made plans to tour Korea with David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, and whoever the other lead singer of Van Halen was.
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