Starting next week, Lisa Graham, professor of German, will be conducting a special hands on program called OH YES (Organization Helping You be Eager to Satisfy) designed to put the spice back in the lives of sexually dissatisfied couples on campus.
"I feel introducing a new program such as this one will help in ending the plague of sexless WC student and faculty lives," said Graham most seductively. "I started the program not only because I would like to spread my vast knowledge of the kama sutra art form and sex toy tricks of the trade, but also a few students in my elementary German class complained about the lack of excitement that seems to be plaguing the campus. There is no room on this campus for people complaining about not getting any with their bitches and jigalos."
This new program, which meets every Tuesday and Thursday evenings at 8 P.M. in President Toll's office, includes several hands on experiments conducted by Graham herself and any and all willing volunteers not ashamed to bare it all.
"Some of the activities include several constructive forms of foreplay," said Graham deeply. "What many people do not know is that foreplay stimulates your hormones and all your sexual senses. So when it's time to do the nasty and hump like rabbits in mating season, your sexual drive will last much longer."
Other activities for the program include the demonstrations of kama sutra by private video tapes found in President Toll's office, inflatable mates also found in President Toll's office, willing couples, and Professor Graham herself with the faculty members of her choice. Furthermore, there will be free samples of new condoms designed for a vast improvement in pleasure, a personal assortment of sex toys provided by Graham to increase excitement, and also a special demonstration of the sexual functioning of a dominatrix.
Several people are looking forward to the OH YES program provided by Graham.
"My girlfriend and I are extremely sexually frustrated," said junior "Matthew X" sobbingly. "Every time we go to do it, she thinks about my roommate and O's right there. I hope this program will not only help her develop some self control over my roomie, but to also lose control when I'm in bed with her."
"I know that with my help and expertise, the sexually frustrated couples will soon blossom into sex machines," said Graham licking her fingers slowly. "I would like to extend my gratitude to President Toll for lending his videos and inflatable friends to OH YES and I will be giving him a private and up close and personal lesson later on. Videos are $25."
300 Washington Avenue, Chestertown, Maryland 21620 | 410-778-2800 | 800-422-1782