It's almost 11 o'clock on a Monday night in King of Prussia, and the bar tab for my three friends and me is well above $100, meaning we've been there for more than an hour.
After the novelty of Irish Car Bombs in an Irish-type bar wore off, our attention turned to the surrounding women we had been ignoring in favor of the reunion of our friends and aggressive drinking. There were two beautiful women about our age sitting alone at an end table, and I was headed over there to present my award of the "best looking duo in proximity," when my friend said he had a better idea.
My good friend left high school an introverted nervous person and is still an introverted nervous person, but having never really had a girlfriend, he had nothing to lose. He shared his killer pick-up line, and we dared him to do it and watched as he approached their table and opened his mouth. "Excuse me - I have a bet with my friends over there and was wondering if you knew how much a polar bear weighs? [curious silence followed] Enough to break the ice; my name is Shaun."
I bought and presented the next round of drafts to congratulate an elated Shaun, who had just made the hottest girls in the bar laugh with him - not at him. However, although he demonstrated the function of the perfect pick-up line, he knew it was only going to score him a laugh.
As Internet celebrity Tucker Max elaborates, "Pick-up lines are only a means to an end. The end is meeting the woman; the pick up line is the means. The word 'meeting' is emphasized because that is all a pick-up line is intended to do: help you meet a woman. What you do after delivering the line is what ultimately determines how successful you will be."
And given that he actually wrote a book on pick-up lines, Tucker Max knows what he's talking about.
Many guys believe that the right pick-up line will guarantee immediate sexual gratification, but nothing could be further from the truth. Anyone who simply drops a rehearsed line on a girl but has nothing to say after the fact should hang up his balls and go home, leaving the game to the rest of us who believe a girl is actually worth talking to.
A line is simply an opening to what should be a genuine conversation in which the guy has a chance to share common interests and foster a relationship, be it just for the night or for a more substantial time period.
And pick-up lines are just one way to do it, be they self-effacing, arrogant, humorous, or downright creepy. The more successful ones are straightforward ("You're not leaving, are you? I haven't had a chance to flirt with you yet"), funny ("You know how men buy really expensive cars to compensate for certain shortages? Well, I don't even own a car"), or subtle ("Do you think we might have a mutual friend that would introduce us?").
Ones like "Nice socks, can I try them on after we have sex?" are certain to get laughs among your friends and stares in any coed social situation.
However, this is college, and the pick-up line is as useful as the little dressy napkin in a man's suit pocket - it's nice but unnecessary.
Pick-up lines more complicated than "Can I rub my crotch against you in this tight suite dance party situation?" are generally lost on the deaf, drunk, and stupid.
Not that college kids aren't smart enough to recognize the genius in "If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?" but it's usually loud, crowded, and not worth the effort on campus. The pick-up line is to be used in calmer and quieter situations where a resulting conversation is possible.
I've learned the hard way, once asking a girl if she wanted to dance at a club, and then realizing that screaming "DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?" is a lot more difficult than simply grabbing a stranger and grinding, which was what everyone else was doing.
The point is that approaching women takes confidence and even if you don't look like me, backing up a good pick-up line can get you a conversation you wouldn't have had anyway. So be ready - not only with the line, but also with something to say after it.
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