When she calls you excitedly and can barely get the words out, but all you hear is, "OhMyGod! I totally found you the PERFECT gift!" it means you're dead in the water.
Women love the holiday season as much as men fear it, simply because it demands that you show your love and respect for your partner in a packaged gift, all because three wise men tried it two thousand years ago.
If they were truly wise, they would've just given Joseph and Mary great big hugs, because "one size fits all and nobody minds if you exchange it." Instead, their threefold gift of perfume and gold has weighed heavy on every man standing clueless in Macy's, wondering what the hell he could buy that would enable him to live to see New Year's.
We're looking for the perfect gift, but the conundrum is that while any woman can buy a man something sure to satisfy (and even if it's not all that great, sexual favors are certainly effective), a man will never be able to match a woman's vision of a perfect gift.
The blame doesn't fall completely on the three wise men; I blame Jude Law a little too. If the little gift-wrapped velvet box with a diamond ring isn't under that tree, then they're going to be a little disappointed no matter what. I'm not saying every relationship is ready for marriage, but usually women expect more than some Audrey Hepburn DVDs.
Blame romance novels, chick flicks, or the celebrity marriage of the year-when Jude Law proposes on Christmas Day, it sets the bar a little higher for the rest of us. Gift certificates are a cop-out, clothes are far too touchy, and everything else seems impersonal when it seems that most girls are looking for something shiny and expensive.
So what's a guy to do with D-Day fast approaching? If I had the answer, I sure as hell wouldn't tell you-but since we're all in the same sinking boat I'll do the best I can.
Girls place a lot of emphasis on presents and have probably been looking for yours since that first kiss, but the least you can do is give her something that shows you put a reasonable amount of time and thought into it.
I suggest something expensive you think she'll like, which means you have to pay attention to the earrings you're nibbling on and the necklace you're kissing and declare helplessness at the jewelry desk in the department store.
Describe the crap she's been wearing (cause let's be honest, jewelry is to make the woman feel good, not the man) and hopefully the sales associate will be able to point you in a direction where you'll blindly buy something she'll wear once and return.
The accompanying gift is the one that matters. It's your chance to do something sweet, whether it's a homemade card, personalized decorations, or your own touch-it'll make it memorable and special.
For every day I was with one girl, I wrote something on a post-it-note (she had a thing for office supplies) and on our six-month anniversary (hey, we were young and couldn't wait) I covered her walls with them. Not that I'm suggesting you take my original and brilliant idea, but think outside the box and come up with your own.
I can't think of anyone who wants frankincense or myrrh (gold maybe), but the three wise men weren't trying to be practical. It's about taking the time to give a gift that means something to YOU and hopefully to her.
As for us guys: video games, DVDs, and a football jersey still don't mean as much as a good back massage - that's something we don't get from anyone else.
300 Washington Avenue, Chestertown, Maryland 21620 | 410-778-2800 | 800-422-1782