"It is hardly necessary to waste words over the so-called bikini since it is inconceivable that any girl with tact and decency would ever wear such a thing." - Modern Girl Magazine, 1957
With May Day around the corner, I imagine WC students will develop a sudden and new appreciation for swimsuits come Tuesday. And with summer's heat waves en route, swimsuits will be making more and more appearances.
It is no coincidence that the word "Bikini" derives from the famous Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Marshall Islands where atomic bombs were tested in the 1940s, because like the atomic bomb, bikinis can be both incredible and horrible at the same time.
There are those who belong in a bikini. Since its invention in 1946 (when the only woman found to model the 30 square inches of fabric was a nude dancer) the bikini swimsuit has captured the minds, stares, and . . . well, minds of men everywhere.
The 1951 Miss World Pageant banned the bikini, believing it would give those who wore it an unfair advantage over more conservative competitors. The bikini that Ursula Andress sported in the 1962 James Bond classic Dr. No was as hot then as it was when Halle Berry rocked a replica in 2002's "Die Another Day." And ever since Sports Illustrated put a bikini on its annual cover in 1964, no yearly issue has been more popular.
However, not every woman wearing a bikini is a Bond girl. It seems that for every beach-volleyball-stopping female strolling by, there are gaggle of girls who shouldn't be in two-pieces. This is usually a big point of discussion among those elitists who believe their griping will cause those subjected to their criticism to drop pounds suddenly, rendering them appropriately attractive.
The bottom line is that there will always be people wearing bikinis that perhaps shouldn't be, but complaining about their presence is immature. Instead, realize that the fat white guy in the Speedo to your left ends up making you look better in juxtaposition, and then direct your attention to the bronzing bikini-clad females on your right.
As for myself, I place a great deal more emphasis on my personality than on my physique. Women think they have it tough when they have to see bikini models with breasts as big as beach balls and bodies that weigh just as much. However, a man now has to defend himself about why he doesn't shave his chest, go tanning regularly, and bench press small vehicles. I don't buy into the metrosexual society because I waited well into middle school for my first chest hair, refuse to spend money on cancer, and receive absolutely no pleasure in picking up heavy things and putting them down.
Male swimwear should consist of nice comfortable shorts, but never Speedos - let's leave bikinis to the women they look better on.
So now, celebrating the 70th anniversary of the Bikini, I cannot but give my strongest recommendation for this invention. Because, let's face it - everyone wins. Girls: time spent lying out in the sun should be used to efficiency, and the less you have covering yourself, the more skin that can get tan. Guys: do I really have to explain?
The curious part about the bikini is that, for guys, it preys on our instinctual desire to want what we can't have. We can stare at a naked woman for hours, but eventually you end up seeing everything, but when a woman wears a bikini, a man can spend days imagining what she looks like naked. Those millimeters of elastic colorful fabric hold more power and allure than a genie's lamp. But if we had a genie's lamp, we'd know what our first wish would be.
A monkey.
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