Volume 81, Issue 21
April 2, 2010

Disclaimer: This is The Elm’s annual April Fool’s Edition and is meant as a parody. All articles are fictional and do not necessarily represent the opinions or views of The Elm staff or the Washington College Campus. We hope you enjoy this year’s issue.

Dean Dutka New Face of Ann Taylor

By Fashion Esta

Shambly Staff Writer

Heads turned and jaws dropped yesterday when it was revealed that Dean of Students Mela Dutka was the new face of popular women’s clothing line Ann Taylor. Dutka made a splash on Thursday when she forsook her usual pantsuit for a colorful, knee-length silk taffeta scoop-neck dress from the company’s spring line.

Initially, when Dutka sent out a campus-wide email that she had been “discovered,” and that this would be her last semester at Washington College, Director of Residential Life Carl Crowe said he thought it was a student playing a practical joke.

“I was like, back up the bus,” said Crowe.

Colleagues barely recognized Dutka when she walked into the office on Thursday and sat down at her desk. Public Safety was called and the mysterious person was interrogated.

After the mysterious person at the desk was confirmed to be Dutka, Director of Public Safety Jerry Roderick was heard saying, “Well wowza.”

In a recent interview, Dutka said that for many years, she took her fashion cues from Hilary Rodham Clinton but lately, she has been aligning herself more with Michelle Obama.

Despite this explanation, many students and faculty are still flabbergasted.

“I was shocked. Shocked,” said senior SGA President Tri Ofosu-Ameyaw.

“Counseling centers have been asked to take on extra hours because I think many students’ world views were shaken by this event. I think many students are asking themselves right now, what can I count on to remain the same?” said Crowe.

Associate Vice President for Student Affairs Sarah Feyerherm said Dutka’s flattering pantsuits were always something she looked forward to seeing every day and she will be sad to see both those and Dutka go.

“It’s one of those constants, you know. Those stable things in your life that you can count on to happen no matter what and now it’s gone, we’ll never be able to have that stability again,” said Feyerherm.

Dutka always aspired to go into the fashion world, but when she was approached suddenly two weeks ago by a modeling scout, she was stunned.

“I still can’t believe it,” she said. “The scout said there was a sparkle in my eyes, something he’d never seen in any of his models. Before I knew it, I was thrown into hair and makeup, and voila, I have a whole new career.”

Although students and faculty are certainly surprised by Dutka’s sudden career change, everyone wishes her well.

“This is certainly an exciting time in Mela’s life,” said President Baird Tipson. “We will certainly miss her now. But, I think that, in light of recent events, my own decision to stay on as your president is even more wise.”